Don’t look now, but the MMQB is baaaack…

&&&&&&& yes, boils & goils, the Monday Morning Quarterback is baaaaaaaack! For a concatenation of sporting events such as the world has never seen! Back with heroes & zeros! Back to ruin your breakfast! Back because everyone needs somebody to hate!

And back because it’s been at least a week since I’ve received an email beginning: “Your a idiot.”

Seriously. When will you see the likes of this again? All this events, unfolding simultaneously:

The NHL playoffs.

The NBA playoffs.

The MLB “regular” season.

The NFL “regular” season.

The U.S. Open tennis tournament.

The Tour de France.

Formula One.

And the major European soccer leagues.

If you can’t find something to watch on that list, you’re being too picky.

And to top it all off, Marc Bergevin, much-maligned Canadiens GM Marc Bergevin, is getting ahead of the game by making some aggressive trades – first for backup goaltender Jake Allen, now for big and nasty left defenceman Joel Edmundson.

Which surely means we won’t see much of young Victor Mete this coming season. If there is a season.

Honestly, I never saw the point of Mete. Great young man, amazing he can survive at all on an NHL rink at his size. Terrific skater but the NHL isn’t Ice Capades.

Assuming the Canadiens sign Edmundson (and why would they give up a draft pick to get him if they weren’t certain he would sign) the Canadiens have Ben Chiarot, Brett Kulak and Edmundson on the left side along with the Russian can’t-miss youngster Alexander Romanov.

Where in there do you fit a 5-foot-8, great-skating zero-offence blueliner? Edmundson is 6-4 and 215. He can hit. He can fight. He has a shot. He has Stanley Cup experience.

Mete is a gauge. Much as we can admire the guy, if he’s getting a regular shift on defence, you aren’t very good. If he could score, it would be completely different, but Mete has played 171 games in the NHL. He has four goals and 27 assists. Less than a point every five games.

There might be a future for Mete in Europe. The NHL, even today’s faster, smaller NHL? I don’t see it. Imagine Mete in this Dallas-Las Vegas Western final. You’d have to cover your eyes.

Raptors declawed: No surprise the Raptors were knocked out of the playoff by the Boston Celtics. When they were unable to keep Kawhi Leonard, the Raptors were no longer serious contenders for another NBA crown.

I hate to disappoint all those newly minted basketball fans who wouldn’t know a pick-and-roll from a Tootsie Roll but it’s going to be awfully tough for the Raptors to get back to the top. They’re a very deep team with outstanding management and a good coach – but they lack the stars you need this time of year.

Kyle Lowry is old. Serge Ibaka is getting up there. Marc Gasol is ancient. Their best young veterans, Pascal Siakam and Fred Van Vleet, are 26. They aren’t going to get better. O.G. Anunoby, despite The Shot, faded badly down the stretch against Boston.

Boston’s Jayson Tatum, unstoppable against the Raptors, is 22. The Brooklyn Nets, at least in theory, will have a healthy Kevin Durant. And unless the best front office in the business can pull another Kawhi Leonard deal out of a hat, the Raptors are destined to be good but not great for a long time.

Don’t weep. The Raptors did well to win a title. As a franchise, they’re so young, I covered the first game of their existence. Unlike that other Toronto team that has gone a long time without winning a thing.

Here’s a real hero for you: Naomi Osaka. She takes a stand off the court, she stands tall on the court. Osaka doesn’t seem to blow opponents away, she just wins. Again and again. Three major champions already and she’s 22.

&&&& from the Fennis Dembo Hall of Name: We’re way behind on this, but the trade that made Barkevious Mingo part of the deal for Jadeveon Clowney has to be the all-name all-name, all-time trade. At least until someone signs Ha-Ha Clinton Dix and swaps him for Montez Sweat.

MLB! MLB! I thought I would hate seven-inning baseball. I don’t. Given bullpenning and eight-hour games and launch angles and all the other nonsense that is ruining the grand old game, seven innings is about as much as we can take in one gulp.

Lies, rumours &&&& vicious innuendo: Anybody notice that the Arizona Coyotes are in deep trouble? Despite everything Gary Bettman has done to prop up his pet franchise in the desert, the ‘Yotes appear over. Roughly where the Golden Knights will be a decade from now. You read it here first. … 

Tom Brady put together one nice late drive Sunday – but mostly, he looks like a 43-year-old guy trying to pretend he still has it. …

Who would have guessed, seeing the fathers play with the Expos, that the son of Fernando Tatis would turn out to be a better ballplayer than the son of Vladimir Guerrero? …

In 2020, it takes a lot to be the biggest jackass on the block during any given week. But Skip Bayless brought the whole package when he decided to put down Dak Prescott for admitting that he had suffered from depression. …

With the exception of Mark Cohon, the CFL has had a seemingly endless series of rotten commissioners, possibly because the CFL owners don’t want a real commissioner – they want a yes man. But Randy Ambrosie has been awful. Ambrosie has antagonized the players, allowed the league to lose an entire season, and now he’s babbling about expanding the CFL to other markets when the CFL has plenty of problems at home. Maybe it’s not too late for Cohon to come to the rescue?

Memo to Zeke Herbowsky: I’m sure this comes as a shock, Zeke, but the Browns are still bad. …

Finally, I really don’t see the point of forcing male tennis players to go best-of-five sets at the majors. It’s a skill sport, not a damned marathon.

Heroes: Marc Bergevin, Carey Price, Nick Suzuki, Jesperi Kotkaniemi, Victoria Azarenka, Alex Zverev, Dominic Thiem, Jamal Murray, Nikola Jokic, LeBron James, Primoz Roglic, Tadej Pogacar, Fernando Tatis Jr., Barry Trotz, Brayden Point &&&& last but not least, Naomi Osaka.

Zeros: Ron MacLean, Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Skip Bayless, Alain Vigneault, Matt Niskanen, Claude Giroux, Russell Westbrook, James Harden, Randy Ambrosie, the NHL Department of Player “Safety,” replay reviews in all sports, any hockey game that goes more than one overtime, Claude Brochu &&&&& last but not least, David Samson and Jeffrey Loria.


TWITTER: @jacktodd46